NEITHER HERE NOR THERE

Neither here nor there -

It is alarming news. Apparently eating a lot of pickled red meat can result in an increased risk of colorectal cancer in residents of Newfoundland and Labrador. That is what researchers in the faculty of medicine at Memorial University discovered.

Results of the study, published in the journal Cancer Causes Control, assessed the association between the consumption of total red meat and pickled red meat and the risk of colorectal cancer in 1,204 residents of Newfoundland and Labrador.

"In Newfoundland and Labrador, pickled meat can be either homemade or purchased from farmer's market or supermarkets," stated Dr. Peter Wang, the principal investigator of the study, in a release from the university.

"While little has been written about the distinct dietary characteristics of Newfoundlanders and Labradorians, given the frequency and quantity of pickled meat consumption, Newfoundland and Labrador is probably matched by no other population in the world," Dr. Wang added.

After lung and breast cancer, colorectal cancer is the third most common type of cancer in Canadian men and women. People in Newfoundland and Labrador have the highest rate at 86 cases per 100,000 population compared to a national average of 62 per 100,000.

Wang wagged an accusatory finger at two common pickled meats in the provincial diet: trimmed naval beef and cured pork riblets.

At a popular delicatessen in Caplin Gulch, Mystery Cove NL, heritage folklore professor Dr. Ima Noof PhD, put aside her sandwich of seared tofu on gluten free bread and took a final sip of her chocolate mocha triple latte. She had lost her appetite. Casting a reflective glance out the cafe window, where two fishermen were making fast their speedboat to the wharf, she pondered the effect that the results of this survey might have on the traditional way of life for Newfoundlanders and Labradorians.

"I don't know how it will all end," sighed Dr. Noof.

It seems that systematically we are losing everything we have held dear for centuries, she thought. First, sailing vessels were replaced by motorboats when the internal combustion engine was invented. There is even a move afoot to ban traditional fishing methods dragging and gill nets.

The last straw will be taking from us one of our most cherished traditions. It is part of every family's way of life in this province. We grew up with it, thought Dr. Noof, momentarily forgetting her origins in the Far East and education at an Ivy League University and post-doctoral study at the Sorbonne in Paris.

Our lives will be altered forever if it disappears, thought the doctor, running over in her mind, the ripple effect that the Memorial University study would have on everyday existence in this province.

How will people keep things dry when they are out in boat? A practical consideration.

For that matter how will they keep the boat itself dry when their traditional bailer is taken from them forever. This is a safety issue.

Out on the barrens in the fall, what will the berries be gathered into? A nutritional issue.

When men are assembled in the twine loft on a winter's evening, discussing the profound philosophical issues of the day, what will they sit on? A question of comfort.

If there is nothing to sit on, where will men gather to discuss the profound philosophical issues of the day? I suppose they could lean on a pickup, but that's no solution in bad weather, thought Dr. Noof. No, this is a threat to the very advancement of our society. Something must be done. We must fight to preserve this utilitarian part of our heritage-that both contains and protects, that you can sit or stand upon, that is as adaptable as our people themselves.

To shed light on the threat to our way of life, we need a campaign to draw to the public's attention the peril that awaits us if this everyday, yet precious part of who we are, is taken from us. Every campaign needs a slogan, thought Dr. Noof. We need one that speaks to the countless ways this icon of our heritage touches us daily.

"How about this," thought Dr. Noof, " How many beef buckets does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

pickersgill@ mac.com